Say Less & Hurt Less...

This has somehow linger in my mind for a couple of weeks now...
Ever since the fire-incident in my office, there are clearer pictures of what people are like and what people are not... and to a point of my life, I was awaken to think and judge my-self...

Immature:
Over a casual Friday afternoon lunch, I was a little late to the dining-corner so probably the usual crowd had their lunch already. Still left 2 men colleagues and without much hesitation, I joined them but keeping silent listening to their conversation while enjoying my fried-rice. When I'm almost done with my lunch, the conversation started about me... or rather, questions thrown at me...

Y : Can you belief that she is XX? Don't look-like, right? Got the young-look. (pointing finger at me)
H : You're kidding!! No lar... she is very young only...
Y : No, serious, she is born in the year XXXX.
F : How did you know? (very much astound because it was true)
Y : I know. (with the most devilish smile one can imagine)
H : No lar... she is young, don't make her sounds like she is old... So, what makes you decide to buy the Camry? It's like an old man's car...
F : Yeah... its my dad's car... (only my close friends & people who read this blog would know that it's my car because it's not really a big-a-deal to go tell people that its mine; nobody would belief either.)
H : Oh... I thought you bought the car... Just can't imagine you would wanna choose that car as your own purchase.
F : Yeah... won't...
Y : U still don't believe me that she is older than her look?
H : Cannot be... because she don't portray herself of that age and the way she talk, its childish & give me the feeling that she is immature.
F : Immature? Can you elaborate on that?
H : Well, I thought that since you're exposed to 3 years of experienced and culture oversea, you would be speaking more professionally.
F : Excuse me, what does being away overseas has to do with my way of talking? Just because you're in China for 7 years and you think you came back with "professionalism"? And not forgetting a China-lady as a wife...
H : Yeah... being oversea give people advantages...
F : Hahaha... advantages?! But, you got to remember, I went to a 3rd world country not a advanced-developed country like you. There is a huge different... I go to learn how poverty is, I go there to see how people are in hunger and all that kind of stuff in a more natural environment whereby at the same time, I go there to really feel what life is really is... not to go chase a dream to couquer the world. Not to be the future-president of some organisation.
Y : Well, PNG is really laid-back? Like South-Africa?
F : Not sure but I think so...
H : See what I meant about you not being immature... talking while leaning your chin on your hand.
F : But, it's lunch time... why can't I do this? After half a day of work, can't do this while chatting? Not like I'm at some fine-dining restaurant...

The conversation ended when I decided to leave, not because I was frustrated but because no point I continue. H; is an International Marketing Manager cum Operation Manager of my company. He first took up the role as an Int. Mktg Mgr marketing electrical appliances and when I first joined, he has an assistant but after 2 months, he left. He was just sitting near my department. And always ordered fruits for lunch and then, took our department "goodies-corner" to his own advantage. When we requested him to contribute some goodies, he refused and even before I joined, others requested him to buy some things from Korea on his business trip, he didn't. And I was the one and only that was brave enough to give him comments of his eating habits and not contributing to the "goodies-corner". When he was requested to moved his work-place, he still came back to our "goodies-corner" whenever he smell the good food. And when I continue to make remarks out of his behaviour, he eventually stopped coming because he is taking food from his new place. So, I wondered... is this the reason that now, he is telling me that I'm immature? Is this his way of getting back at me in front of others?

Laughter:
One day, when I was on the phone with my partner-company's co-colleague, I didn't tell her who I was and at a point of time, she couldn't recognised my voice because we had not call each other for about 2 weeks since I was very busy with all the moving & cleaning. Then, I laughed when she couldn't guessed... immediately she chuckled and said, "Faith... how can I forget that laughter of yours!!" and I she told me I had one unique laugh that she can easily recognise me even without seeing me. So, who won't smile from eye-to-eye being said that, right?

Few days ago, we were moving some heavy cabinets, one of my colleague showed a very hilarious face expression and I couldn't help to laugh out loud. And my Mktg Mgr exclaimed, "Aiyoh... what a laughter!! Girl cannot laugh like that..." and I was so embarrassed and I keep quiet. And then, yesterday... the same colleague make a remark that again, I was amused and I laugh a little. And he copied the laughter sound and teased me fakely. I was speechless and proceed to do what I was doing.

Sarcastic:
Lately, I felt that I could be very sarcastic when I asked something. A few times, I only realised when it was too late. And I had been becoming a real chatter-box also... Sigh... Is it the freedom to express one's self is making me behaving like this? Or is it because that I've been thru a few things in my life that I was hurt and from not wanting to be hurt again, I taking a step ahead of everything first?

Seriously, I had always open-up to people and allowing people to critic about me and telling me my weak-points or weak-attitude, hoping that I could change and be a better person in life. But ever since I see people, I learn the true identity of a few people during situations that I felt that, I'm turning to be worst... and I fear that one day, I'm gonna lost my friends. Just a recent birthday party, some of my buddies are pretty upset with the birthday girl that they decided not allow her to come along to the trip that we are all planning together. And I couldn't help feeling a little sad that how if one day, I'm gonna be like that poor-girl being put aside from some things from my friends, which that's why I decided that I should really just keep my mouth shut these days. Say less and hurt less...

And to top up this feelings of mine right now... its not any better when some colleagues at office are actually criticising me like that... or laughing at me... IS it for a good-cause? Am I the one immature or they are? Why being a human has to live to the standards of others? If it's for a better cause, it's not harmful but why everyone has to be only one standard?