Last night, I finished the book that I bought for myself as my Christmas present last year. After 2 weeks that I'm in dilemma, losing sleep and losing 4 kgs of weight, somehow I prayed so much every night that this book just called out to me to read it last Thursday.
When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Ice Cream
by Laura Jensen Walker.
Funny women Laura has had her share of challenges - from surviving cancer to dealing with the untimely deaths of her brother and father. But whatever life throws her way, she faces with determination, humor, faith... and a big bowl of ice cream. In this book, she offers her unique take on tough times and stressful days in one funny and flavorful story after another. Discover how the bumps in the rocky road of life make those creamy and sweet rainbow sherbet days all the more delicious! Her delightful insights will leave you wanting a second scoop as she shares her life - lumps in the ice cream and all - and shows you how God puts the cherry on top, again and again.
This book has given me the warmth that takes the chill out of my cold and sore heart, the writer's unique way with words and "ice cream" leave me encouraging & enlighting thoughts to some extend, I had stopped crying despite that occasionally his words just woke me up in the middle of the nights; which I still failed to overcome but will switch on the TV and dozed off slowly...
In the beginning, I do not dare to commit whole-heartedly into this 'courtship' as I'm trully afraid. Despite that I had pray to God for a soul-mate in my life, I know it's up to Him to provide may it be right or wrong. God made all of us special and unique and nobody is perfect. Two weeks ago, as we were heading for our vacation, suddenly he remarked, "I still have feelings for my ex-girlfriend, she is perfect and I want her back." This has strike & cut me deeply and sadly... this words has never stop playing repeatably in my brains ever since...
And things started to change... he stopped holding my hands when we go out... we see less of each other... he don't call as much as he used to... and when he does call, we don't talk much... and when we meet-up, we have nothing much to say... We are like in two different world of our own... He is going back to his old habits... And last I met him, he finally told me that I'm an embarrassment to him because I'm not those type of lady with more than 10 pairs of shoes, I'm not dress femininely, I don't put on make-ups and perfumes, last but not least, we don't share much of interest in similar things.
He asked me to decide if we should walk our separate ways... as he always said that he is not playing with me despite that he said he is a jerk and so is his friends because of what the "WORLD" had turned them into... they admitted they are materialistic and egotistic and they want to see beautiful things... I'm sad to hear all these and I'm also speechless to some extend but what can I do?! Should I cling on to this heartless relationship? (which I think it was not even officially-committed a relationship to begin with) What had I got myself into again?
Reason that I blog about this today is not wanting people to pity me... BUT, I'm a person that I need to pour out my sorrows and aches somewhere; either to a friend or out of my heart... I do not know if anyone will read this or comment it... BUT, I had told myself this morning when I woke up that I WILL NOT shed anymore tears... I want to eat back what I love and I want to dress back what I feel comfortable in and of course, I want to hang out with my friends that I had not been doing so for a while... And if any guy who don't see the beauty of my heart but only the beauty of my ugly appearance, then...
4 comments:
Not worth crying over this guy of person ... move on and be happy.
How you dress and how you feel about yourself is entirely up to you.
In life, there's always beauty in simplicity and only the people who are worth it would see that beauty. It’s a thin line… 10 pairs of shoes, a string of designer clothes, freshly perfumed and primed lips and nails are all surface materials. It’s what lines beneath that really matters…and if one can’t see beyond that… it’s a worthless affair. I actually have a rhetoric question, for a guy to expect such, can they subsequently expect to maintain a wife of such? Don’t they later come complain, how many pairs of shoes u need when u fill up the entire shoe closet or how many pairs of black dress u need when u’ve used the entire wardrobe space for urself? Its makes me wonder sometimes ….
Well, one thing for sure he can't and won't be able to maintain a materialistic girl, thats for sure.
At the end of the day, its his lost. You have your own specialty and he lost it. So don't bother so much.
:)
Thank you Alan, my sister and those that had read this post and had one way on the other dropped me messages/sms via Facebook or any other sort of communication for the concern and your word of advice and encouragement.
He is not a bad guy just that we want different things in life. He had been good to me from the day 1 I know him just that people do change when one is bored with something or in this case; someone.
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