And yea, unconsciously I will be concern on whatever I read for the day. But unfortunately today I just read & forget. Why that happened, I have no idea... As a result, I was so angry & pissed off with my mom that one thing leads to another.
Mom scolded me for not "hanging out" at the living hall last night when my grandma, aunts and Esther were here. Reason being is that I'm tired from work and why should I bother to hang out with a cousin that just flew in from Melbourne? Is it that a-big-deal?! Even if she is the Queen of England, if I don't have the mood, I couldn't be bother either!! If I don't feel like doing that... why should I? We are not even close and I honestly, have nothing to chat about with her.
Yes, deep inside, I'm still pretty disspointed & upset with her for the fact that she wasn't trying to even assist a bit when I plan to visit Melbourne. Flashing back my memories to a few year back in 2006 when she visited Malaysia and mom asked me to chaperon her a day by bringing her around. Since mom is always concern about the other cousins who hospitalised the relatives from overseas, somehow, she wanna do that too for the reason that I don't fancy to understand. Being an obedient daughter, I had to obey and since the elder adults believe that this will somehow reunite our cousin-relationship since I had not seen her since she was a kiddie. After over 20 years, I still have nothing to say... basically, we just walked from 1 shop to another shop in the mall, buy her lunch & dinner and that's about it that I can recall.
To me, I don't think all this buying lunch/dinner or even buying gifts for the relatives that comes back to visit from overseas should be the thing! If to compare to a simple assistant to make your visit to a foreign country less important... I really don't find there should be a need to bother to "catch up" or I guessed, I'm sturbon to admit that it's equally important. I'm not hoping for any lunch/dinner/gifts pay back to measure up our 'cousin-relationship'... part of me, I do keep the "bad memories" on how one treated me very secured in my heart.
Last night, I had done my duty as a daughter to open the door when I realised that the door-bell was rang more than 6 times and after I peeped thru my parent's room and realised who they are, I had ran down top-speed to open the door. I'm sure if you're a guest that comes to visit and if you see the whole house is in total darkness and nobody answered the door after more than 6 door-bells, can't you at least, make a phonecall with your mobile to check? No.. my aunt didn't bother. And so she said they were almost getting back into the car and leaving the house when I opened it. Now, I was hoping... "Yea... I shouldn't have open that DOOR!" If you have the heart to visit, at least be courtesy about it... Ahhh... I don't understand this elder-adults!
After inviting them in, said my "HI"s to all of them with a smile. And after ensuring, I on the TV and tuned to the channels that suits them, I don't see why I should continue to "hang out" with them since their attention were to the tv program.
This morning, Mom said, "Your grandma asked why Faith is not downstair, what is she doing upstairs when there are people visiting?" and she repeated that 3 times and I was so turned off I raised my voice, "How many times do you have to say that? I don't feel like coming down and that's it..." Of course, I didn't bother to elaborate that it's because of 'certain' human being that makes me not to. No doubt, my evil-side of the brain wants me to behave like that so that the person can feel how unimportant he/she is. But, I'm not the ONE behaving badly for other occasions.
I'm supposed to make brocolli salad for dinner tonight but then, since I was feeling like a mad-goat that is stamping my mini-hooves, I decided not to make the salad anymore because I believe with the "anger-vibes", it will make the food tasteless.
After a mug of coffee, I went up to my room, trying to cheer myself up with cartoons but that didn't work on me today after 15 minutes staring to a TV-box but 'hearing' Mom's voice in the head. So, I took the book I had started a few days ago to read it. After 2 chapters, I decided I had to take a bath despite that the 2 chapters does make me feel a little better by 10%.
In my shower, the thoughts still lingers... and I decided to take a cold shower instead and how I wished I had a bucket of ice to pour down my head or for me soak inside and stop thinking...
Now, I'm blogging my feelings and thoughts, hoping that I'll feel a little better but I really feel so upset that if Mom could understands my feelings, I would probably be happier... Mom even thinking of buying dim sum for "them" later and asking me to fetch her there. She knew that I'm really angry at her and so, she called my grandma to ask my aunt to come pick her up instead. Sigh...On the other hand, I'm going to find other ways to cheer myself up...
2 comments:
hmmm... sounds so typical ler... i do this sometimes too, when i know im not close to the people who visit me... though by right its not very polite, but i dont think i can stand several minutes of boredom just by sitting there idly looking like a dumbo. i'll get some naggings, but like i care lol.
Well, it's just the way I behave if I don't fancy hanging around, I really won't be bother much.
Besides, for this case, I did come down and greet them and making sure they are comfortable with the tv & air-cond. Sometimes, the "oldies" just have to understand lar... if we are not able to be there, then we have our reasons or other place more important to be.
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