"This little girl will bring me a glass of water when she sees me sitting on the sofa. My children never did that. In fact, they still don’t" PETER DANKER on his four-year-old granddaughter, Kristen -
Picture by ART CHEN / The Star
By WONG LI ZA
Grandparents can be a doting lot but when it comesdown to actual babysitting, it is usually grandma who has the hands-on role. However, there are always exceptions.
IF A father or grandfather helps take care of the little ones, he is most likely to be the designated driver or part-time playmate.
In many cases, mothers and grandmothers are the ones who feed, bathe and run after the kids. That is, until you meet Peter Danker or Robert Antony Surin.
Danker and his four-year-old granddaughter Kristen are the best of pals.
Kristen teaches him how to Skype and asks him a million questions like most inquisitive four-year-olds do. On his part, he fixes her macaroni cheese lunches, gives her baths and plays jigsaw puzzles with her.
Danker is one of few grandfathers who take care of their grandchildren. His wife is a retired nurse who chose to continue working at a private medical centre in Petaling Jaya, Selangor.
Danker’s elder son, Philip, drives Kristen to his house in Medan Damansara, Kuala Lumpur, by 7.30am and picks her up about 8pm, Mondays to Fridays.
Before she leaves for work, Danker’s wife prepares her granddaughter’s breakfast.
After breakfast, Danker takes Kristen to kindergarten and picks her up at noon.
When they return, Danker, 72, bathes her and makes her lunch before she has her afternoon nap. “We always kneel and pray together before she sleeps. She will pray for everyone, both living and deceased,” he said proudly, as he fed Kristen. “And when she takes her nap, she always wants me by her side. Whenever she wakes up, she will also call for me,” he added.
At about 5.30pm, Kristen gets up and both of them either play or go for a walk before dinner. “She doesn’t like to play with dolls. She likes football and building things with Lego blocks,” he shared.
Danker started taking care of Kristen soon after her birth. Initially, they had an Indonesian domestic helper for about a year. However, the helper decided to quit before her contract expired.
After that, Philip and his wife Grace decided not to go through the hassle of hiring foreign help again. “They asked me if I could help out and I agreed. It was certainly not part of my retirement plan, which was to enjoy golfing with my kakis!” said Danker candidly. “However, circumstances are such that I have to give up some of my golf time to help Philip and Grace out, and make sure that Kristen gets proper care, love, skills, values and manners,” he said.
Out with the cane
Taking care of Kristen is something that one gives time to, said the former lecturer with the Public Health Institute. “And at this age, if I don’t do something, I will go bonkers! Looking after her has sort of rejuvenated me,” he said, adding that he enjoys having conversations with her.
Danker is not new to the physical aspects of raising a child. When his two sons were young and his wife worked shifts, he used to take care of them. However, Danker admitted that he was stricter with his own kids, as with most grandparents. “With my granddaughter, I discipline her with love, so much so that my family says I spoil her.”
Danker also does not believe in using the cane. “I believe that communication and kindness can win her over better than the cane.” He confesses that he tends to be soft-hearted with Kristen, often giving in to her demands. “This little girl will bring me a glass of water when she sees me sitting on the sofa.
“My children never did that. In fact, they still don’t!” he said.
Danker plays golf on Saturdays and whenever Kristen’s parents are not working. At times, he wishes he could have more personal time, but he has no regrets taking on the babysitting role. “It’s a commitment to help the family out. With what’s happening with foreign maids these days, it is quite scary,” he said, as he excused himself to get the potty for Kristen.
However, with Grace expecting a second child, a domestic helper will be a necessity. “I do not think I can take care of Kristen and a newborn by myself, so we need to get help,” he said.
Meanwhile, having spent four years together, the grandfather and granddaughter have developed a strong bond. “When she goes back with her dad, I’m the last one to give her a kiss and a flying kiss. “When I put on some ballroom music, she will raise her hand to mine and place her cheek to my face,” said Danker as his eyes lit up in adoration.
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